Monday, September 20, 2010

I feel like a motherfucking faucet.

I didn't know that this much water could come out of a person. everything about this sucks. even the fucking inkling of hope sucks. I don't deal well with grey; I either want some fucking closure or for it not to end. this is so stupid. things would be so much different if everything had just happened earlier. it would have worked, and I wouldn't need a fucking plumber to keep me from flooding the apartment. I had almost forgotten what it was like to be really truly sad. I stupidly hope that he realizes that we could work some day. I just want to know him. like really know him. I am sure there is something there, and I think he feels that, too. unless he is just lying to make himself feel like less of an asshole which is also very possible. I wish I could know for sure which one it is. I hate not knowing. I wish I could just fast forward and see where we end up. I could move on if I had to, but that is the last thing I want right now. nothing about this was done correctly.

I want a do-over.

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