"It happens when you're not looking."
Bullshit. Complete and total bullshit. I spend the vast majority of my time not looking. It is just those rare moments when someone sparks my interest that I look. What the hell is the harm in that? Furtive Glances. I wish that furtive implied furry. Furry Glances. Looking at someone like an animal. Preferably a tiger. I have been very into tigers lately. I blame Richard Parker. And my hat.
Tigers don't have problems like this. I don't understand why I have problems like this. Actually, I do. I am painfully shy and awkward. You need to come to me.
I do not think I am terribly attractive or unattractive, but what does that even have to do with it? Decidedly unattractive people have much better luck than me. I want to just give up and never leave my room. That's not really an option though. I need to not lose hope entirely. Even though I am pretty sure I am nearly there.
It's hard not to lose hope. I guess you would have to be in my position to understand. I am terrified it's all going to end before I experience something real. At least if it does, I won't care--I won't even know; I won't even be. If that is the way it is going to end up, I wish it would just hurry up and be done with.
What's the point of waiting around for something that will never happen?
"You don't need it to be happy."
Bullshit. Only people who have it or at least have had it say that. I've never had it; I do need it. At least once. Even if it's only for a little while.
It's not too much to want. I am a fucking catch. I am a fucking easy catch. Very low maintenance. Why does everyone throw me back before they even give me a chance? I don't require all that much effort. If nothing else, I could make for a good story. There would be very little exaggeration required if you would just give me some time.
Fillet me. Gut me. Do whatever you want to me.
Just please, please don't throw me back there.
you have very low self confidence. self confidence is something that shows through very clearly. people dont go for people with low self confidence. however, it seems like a never ending cycle- "how can i ever GET more self confidence if no one will go for me in the first place." the answer is, you fake it.
ReplyDeletenow that may seem bad, who wants to attract a person based on some fake impression? however, it really isnt that way. the initial stages of attraction are ALWAYS based on false ideas and NEVER on anything to do with who you actually are as a person. so basically, you "play the game" until you catch someone you think you like, and slowly reveal yourselves to each other and in the process find out if you really do like each other. guaranteed, if your future perfect man explained all his neuroses and flaws to you at your first encounter, youd dismiss him as a weirdo. even us people who "like to be weird" will dismiss others as weird.
also, you can never love someone else until you can love yourself. if you dont think youre worth people's time, people won't think youre worth their time.
also again, i think youre beautiful and interesting. and im a guy, if that makes it mean more.
I would not dismiss him as a weirdo. I get that people have their shit and would rather know it upfront. and I would not want to be with someone who turned out to be someone different from who I thought he was. I like my definitions to be immediate and fairly accurate. I am not trying to be fake with anyone. Ever. This is helped by the fact that my personality tends to change based on what the situation calls for, but I will NEVER be that super-confident, outgoing girl. If I tried it would just come of awkward and forced.
ReplyDeleteI hate this playing the game how about no game total openness and one day that's got to work right
ReplyDeleteif not well fair enough
it would be nice if it was like that, but thats just not the way people work.
ReplyDeleteI think you need to re-evaluate your world views.
ReplyDeleteah a very vague and broad attack on me. maybe youre right, but according to the way things seem to be going for us respectively, my world views might be more in line with reality. i mean, just read over your blog a bit.
ReplyDeleteokay, so for the sake of full disclosure, your posts made me angry. that is why my last comment was so brash. I felt a lot like my thoughts and beliefs were being attacked. I still do not fully believe that they weren't, but now I feel immature and foolish for reacting like that.
ReplyDeleteI guess constructive criticism applies to life and not just things like writing.
I don't agree with you when you say that the way I see the world is incorrect, but I also don't think that you fully understand how I actually see the world. and honestly, "i mean, just read over your blog a bit?" that hurt. the things I post are my thoughts and feelings. to have someone tell me that the things I think and feel are wrong really hurts. I wish you hadn't added that last sentence to your comment. besides that, I generally write when I am feeling like shit. it helps. for the most part, I love my life. for all you know, I might be just as happy as you are.
I think you sound a bit jaded, and (to me) that is sad, but at the same time I understand how your approach to life is MUCH more pragmatic than mine. I don't know which way of living is better.
I have also thought a lot about your comment regarding faking it at first. I don't agree with totally faking who you are, but I do agree that sometimes exaggerating parts of yourself can be a very useful strategy when getting to know someone. I definitely see your point there. I should do that more often. I bet it would help.
I do, however, stand by my comment that I would not think someone was weird if they disclosed their neuroses before getting to know me. I think at times, it is appropriate to "over-"share. things are all contingent on the situation, person, time of the day, color of the walls. I feel ridiculous trying to give out advice, but I think that you should try not to forget that things are very dependent on the situation; sometimes it is good to be upfront with people. and I really don't judge people about things like that. I know everyone says that, but I mean it. I guess everyone says that, too.
well, I REALLY mean it.
lastly, what I meant by reevaluating your world views, was simply that you sound like you need to let your guard down more often. (I feel very odd saying that, too. I am very uncomfortable giving advice. it makes me sound like I think I know better than someone. I don't know better-just differently.) I'm sorry I worded it like that before.
the world would be a terribly boring place if everyone saw it exactly the same way.
I realize that this comment seems VERY long and unnecessary. I just really needed to put this out there. I am also very, very sleepy, and I think my blood sugar is low, so I bet it sounds way less coherent than I currently think it does.
do what you want with this.
you make some very interesting points. also, for the record, i dont think your thoughts and feelings are "wrong." i would probably say that thoughts and feelings can never be right or wrong, so its best to make them however you need them to be at the time, if that makes any sense.
ReplyDelete