except for the ones who make good music. they can stay in my cds and computer. I would like to get far away from everyone else though. I aspire to be a hermit. a loner. an infinite amount of time to figure out me. I am a self-centered narcissistic so it would serve me well. I could be alone with my thoughts about me. I might want to get a dog to amuse me. their love is something that lasts. they don't judge. they just want to be with you and be loved by you. why can't people be like dogs? why does everything have to be so confusing? if they were less confusing, I would focus less on me. I am someone I can at least hope to come close to figuring out. plus, if people were more straightforward with how they felt, it would matter less to me that they did not love unconditionally.
more people should explain why. even if all they say is that they have no idea. at least then you would know that they are just as confused as you are. I like the terms of all relationships (even including those with acquaintances) to be clearly defined. "I consider you to be my closest friend." "I have a lot of fun with you but don't connect with you on a really deep level." "I hope that one day we will be very close." "I do not anticipate this lasting."
I've always been this way. it was probably at it's worst in elementary school. my "best friend" became "best friends" with another girl, but she still falsely claimed to be my "best friend," too. we were still close (and still are), but the fact that what we were did not fit the definition of "best friends" really messed with my brain; it caused me a lot of strife.
maybe I just think and dwell too much. I don't anticipate that changing, though, so it would be really great if people could just accommodate for my neurosis and just clearly explain where they stand with me. it does not have to be said directly. just say something that let's me know clearly enough so that I do not start going grey trying to figure it out on my own. people are confusing.
are we friends again? can we be? I hope so. you're fun. and I am over my not-so-brief period of insanity.
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I am sorry that you have issues with people, too. especially with 'best friends.' that's really tough. not everyone understands. I wish more people realized that everyone has feelings. we're all affected by things; things happen and cause us to react in different ways--everyone has their reasons.
ReplyDeleteI generally have a love/hate relationship with people. I love everyone, but there are a lot of times when I do not want to have anything to do with anyone. sometimes they really bother me.
PEOPLE WILL NEVER BE BLACK AND WHITE. ANY sort of description of ANYTHING in the ENTIRE WORLD turns something extremely complex into something one dimensional and stupid. if i say "you are shannon," thats true, but you are also a girl, a college student, a collection of molecules, and an INFINITE number of other things. please, please, pleaaaase, you are such a smart girl, dont seek out ignorance. you need to learn to appreciate an existence that is all just an infinite number of shades of grey instead of fooling yourself into thinking its something else. if you start out with a lie, everything that follows will be a lie.
ReplyDeleteI am very confused by this comment. I am entirely unsure how it relates back to my original post. I think whoever wrote this is confused by what I meant. I am not seeking out ignorance; I am just saying that sometimes I would rather be alone than with people and that not knowing what kind of terms I am on with someone frustrates me.
ReplyDeleteand im saying that trying to know "terms" is the same as seeking out ignorance. they dont exist like that at all.
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